


The Beginning

by EmmettM2025



Series: The Alphabet [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 00:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16650613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmettM2025/pseuds/EmmettM2025
Summary: Bucky and Steve give Tony a lot to think about.





	The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh! This is my first story in a long time and I feel proud of myself for doing it. 
> 
> A lot of people were involved in helping me. Thank you to @brie, @athletiger, @roseandthorns28 and @bill-longbow for helping me SO much throughout this process. I was very insecure and frustrated. 
> 
> Just a warning, I've never written anything like this so please be nice. Enjoy!

I look out across the ocean, trying to find some semblance of calm within myself. The ocean is angry today however, dark and rough in a way that is not entirely uncommon, and it does nothing to help me with my fruitless endeavor. My mind is restless, all over the place as I try to figure out what is happening and how I should handle it. Then again, I've never really handled these situations properly before. Overrun by my feelings and thoughts, I'm blind and ignorant, struggling with the weight of it all. I have no clue what to do.

  
_One hour earlier._   
  
I stumble into the elevator, eyes closing briefly as we start the ascent to the communal floor. JARVIS is complaining in the background though I can't really hear it. My thoughts are sluggish, eyes heavy. The doors open and I head towards the kitchen. J is still talking in the background though it's muted to my ears.   
  
I limp into the kitchen, intent on eating something before I go to sleep for the next twelve or so hours, and J stops talking (though I barely notice). I smack my hip on the counter as I walk towards the cabinets, but I keep going because I have maybe twenty minutes before I fall over. I didn't even realize I was this tired until J yelled at me but here we are.   
  
The cereal is mediocre at best, but I eat it anyway because I need some sort of sustenance. The spoon is halfway to my mouth when I notice that I have spectators. Any thought that I was having screeches to a halt and the spoon hesitates on its path to my mouth.   
  
On the couch are the two resident super soldiers. Steve is snoring softly, dead to the world, but Barnes is staring at me without any emotions. The sight of them startles me but I recover as smoothly as I can with 5% brain power. They're snuggling on the couch, a smack to the face really considering I know that I can never have something like that.   
  
The lack of emotion in Barnes's eyes is a startling sight. When I really think about it though, Barnes hasn't shown any emotions at all towards me since I helped fix his arm after the fight against the mutant rock people that attacked New York City a month ago. I don't know what I did wrong, but here we are I guess.   
  
I finish the cereal at a speedier pace then I started it, but when I turn to wash the bowl out in the sink it wakes up Steve. As I turn to leave, he gives me one of his golden sunshine smiles and it's still just as startling as the first time that I was on the receiving end of it after I helped fix Barnes's arm. The two are completely polar opposites when they're dealing with me honestly.   
  
I walk towards the elevator, stumbling a little on the rug, something that Steve notices. "Hey Tony, are you okay?"   
  
The question doesn't register though, I'm too mentally out of it, so J answers for me. "I'm afraid it's been around 45 hours since Sir has properly slept so his attention is significantly lower than usual Captain. He'll be better after he rests."   
  
I hum an unintelligible affirmative noise before walking into the open elevator. When I turn around, I catch a glimpse of Steve's worried face before the door closes, but I try to convince myself to  worry about it tomorrow. As the elevator goes upwards, my attention wanders in random directions, confused by their actions.  
  
Why are they so opposite with their emotions towards me? What did I do to make Barnes act so carefully about his emotions around me? How do I fix it?   
  
The door opens, J suspiciously quiet, and I get ready for bed with a distracted weariness of the world.

  
How do I get Barnes to trust me? Are Steve's reactions to me fake? Why does any of this matter so much? 

 

I hate to make assumptions, but the not-knowing slams at the back of my skull and I know that I won't be able to sleep in my current state. There's one thing that I can think of that might help. 

 

I walk over to the bar and I pour myself a glass of whiskey. One glass can't hurt, besides, maybe it will help take away from the relentless pressure.

  
"Sir?" J asks.    
  
"I'm fine, just restless J," I reply, distracted. I stare at the bottom of the empty cup in despair. It doesn't help. 

 

I'm grasping at straws at this point. I'm exhausted and I know that I need to sleep before I cause even more damage to my health, but the more I dwell on it, the less tired I am. Maybe some fresh air will help?

  
I pull on a jacket and I walk out onto the balcony, hoping that the fresh air will help where the alcohol couldn't, but my thoughts continue to ravage my insecurities relentlessly.    
  
Why is Steve even friends with me? Why isn't he just like Barnes, carefully neutral? What did I do to make Barnes dislike me so much? Why does any of this matter so much?    
  
My inner turmoil is interrupted by J, "Sir, Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes are asking if you're still awake because they have something to talk about with you, what should I say?"    
  
"Let 'em up J." I wonder what they want.    
  
When they walk in, Steve appears anxious, but Barnes is once again completely neutral. God, that's so annoying.    
  
They seem a little uncomfortable, it is my space after all, but they walk in and sit on my couch anyway. I sit across from them, wary.    
  
Barnes breaks the silence. "Tony. I refuse to walk on eggshells so I'm just going to lay it all out and it's up to you how you deal with it."   
  
Steve jumps in, "Tony we like you a  _ lot _ . We want to pursue a relationship with you if you'd be willing."    
  
My mind shuts down and there's silence. Me?    
  
The longer the silence lasts, the more dots fill my vision until I can't see at all.    
  
The combination of silence and black vision is startling and I can't handle it. I need to get out of here. I can't think at all with them watching my every move.    
  
"I have to... I have to go," I stutter out, grabbing a pair of shoes as I storm towards the elevator.    
  
The silence in my head is still so startling and I can barely see where I'm going, but I have to get some space. I have to, I have to get some air.    
  
I walk into the elevator, the doors closing behind me. As I turn around, I catch a glimpse of two very worry-stricken faces before the doors clang shut with a noise that's startling in the silence.

* * *

 

I sit on the edge of the pier, feet dangling over the restless ocean, as I contemplate everything that has happened. I am conflicted about so many things, but my thoughts are mostly silent. 

 

There's one single question that is running through my head on loop: Why me? 

 

The fact that they want me is inconceivable. First of all, they could have anyone in the entire world. Second, I'm older, more unattractive, and less in-shape than either of them. Third, I'm notoriously bad at relationships, I mean, did they seriously learn nothing from my relationship with Pepper? 

 

What do I want? I shouldn't even consider it; I would only ruin their relationship completely, but I've made so many mistakes in the past and I don't want this to be one of them. Whether the mistake would be saying yes or saying no, however, is up for debate. I guess the truth is that I don't know whether I want to be selfish or selfless. 

 

My ponderings keep me seated at the pier for longer then I would have liked. Around the time that I'm watching the sunrise, Natasha joins me with coffee and I'm so very thankful. 

 

The taste of my first sip of coffee combined with the beautiful reds and oranges of the morning sunrise is enough to bring my mind back online somewhat. The torrent of thoughts I expect however, does not come, it's more of a comprehensive trickle.

 

I'm starting my second cup of coffee when Natasha interrupts my musings. 

 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Her voice is calming combined with the backdrop of the waves hitting the side of the pier. This is her way of giving me an ear and allowing me to tell my side of the story, something I'm so very grateful for.

 

“They want to date me,” is all that I say. We're silent for the rest of the sunrise, Nat's way of giving me a chance to organize my thoughts. “If I date them it would be selfish because I would ruin their relationship, but if I say no and I'm selfless, I could miss out on an opportunity to make some good memories.” 

 

It doesn't exactly explain what's going on in my thoughts, but I know that Nat will understand. 

 

I finish the second cup of coffee and I set the empty cup down next to me. 

 

I know that I'll need to go home and sleep soon, but my mind is a mess so I don't want to move yet. I don't know if I ever will. 

 

“Antoshka, these are the questions they know you are worrying about. They can help you with finding the answers better than anyone. Go on one date with them, get your answers, and then make your decision after they've said their piece.” She stands up gracefully and grabs the two empty coffee cups, pecking me on the cheek. 

 

As she turns to walk away, she throws one last statement over her shoulder, “Make your decisions soon Antoshka, their pacing is making Bruce turn green around the edges.” 

 

I laugh gently as she walks away, probably heading back to the tower. 

 

I look out at the early morning environment, it's so peaceful compared to the angry ocean I seen when I got here. 

 

Logically, I know that I can not just jump straight into a relationship with them. Agreeing to go on a first date with them however, is a middle ground that I didn't even think of. It could give me a chance to test the waters, really, which could theoretically help me make a decision. 

 

I stand up then, I'm more clear-headed now thanks to Nat, and I know what I'm going to do. 

 

The drive back to the tower strengthens my resolve more than anything, surprisingly, and when I get into the elevator I'm fully ready to face them. I am, however, steadily getting more tired so I know that this needs to be fast.

 

J takes me up to the communal floor, where everyone currently is. When I walk into the room, everyone is watching Barnes pace with varying levels of amusement and annoyance. 

 

When I walk in, everyone clears out fairly fast, but my eyes are locked on the two in front of me. 

 

“I shouldn't have left, I'm sorry,” I concede. “I don't really want to jump straight into a relationship. But you can take me out on a date, Friday 7 o’clock. J write that down. I'm sorry in advance if I forget. Now if you'll excuse me, I desperately need to sleep.” 

 

I turn and walk out, feeling more clear-headed than I have in a long time. It's a nice feeling.

* * *

 

The clothes that I put on after my shower are casual, per Steve's request - just a pair of worn jeans and an MIT sweater that's definitely seen better days. 

 

I grab a heavy jacket but I don't put it on yet as I'm surprisingly early. 

 

I sit there, my mind still for the first time in a long while. Giving this relationship a chance is something that I deserve, no matter how much I want to argue with myself over it. I can do this. 

 

The elevator doors open, looks like I'm not the only one that's early. 

 

Steve and Bucky, who insisted I stop calling him by his last name two days ago, stroll in looking handsome. Steve is wearing a heavy gray jacket with khakis and Bucky is wearing a nice leather jacket and jeans. 

 

“Sorry we're early, we just couldn't wait any longer and Jarvis said you were ready,” Steve looks flustered and it's adorable. 

 

“You look amazing Antoshka, you ready to go?” Bucky interrupts. 

 

“Yeah, let's do it,” I reply confidently, though I'm shyly smiling at his nickname for me on the inside. 

 

We get into the elevator, shoulder to shoulder, and it's a little cramped, but they radiate heat and I'm eternally cold so it's okay. 

 

The ride in the elevator is slightly awkward and quiet, but decent and when we get to the bottom floor, Steve turns to me to explain why we aren't at the garage. “We're just going to walk to our destination if that's okay?” 

 

I nod, expecting them to just march off in a random direction, but before we even leave the lobby they turn to look at me. “Doll, are you okay with us holding your hand?” Bucky asks. 

 

I consider it. On one hand I'm curious to see what they do, but on the other Pepper will kill me. Oh well, I'm not going to work my life around the public. 

 

I nod, and we walk outside. I don't expect anything, even though they asked the question, but Bucky wraps his arm around my shoulder like he's trying to keep me warm and Steve holds my hand in his like it's something he never wants to let go. It's so sweet. 

 

I have no clue why I expected the walk to be silent, or awkward at the very least, but it's the exact opposite. Bucky and Steve take turns asking questions about what matters most to me without asking what specifically matters to me, and then sharing something about them personally or their relationship when they deem it relatable. 

 

On top of that, not once did the firm grip of Steve's hand or the weight of Bucky's arm change in the slightest. Overall the walk itself did wonders for the insecurities I was struggling with, destroying some of them almost completely. 

 

When we walked up to a familiar set of buildings, I was slightly shocked. The Rockefeller Center. 

 

I come to a stop, jerking them back when they try to keep walking. 

 

“What's up doll?” Bucky turns to me, looking adorably nervous. 

 

“Are you guys taking me ice skating?” I grin unabashedly at them and Steve gives an aw-shucks smile while Bucky just smirks. 

 

“Would there be a problem if we were?” Bucky asks, obviously expecting a no.

 

“Well, I have to say I'm pretty good at it. Jarvis would take me when I was younger to get me out of the house.. It's been a while though,” I can't seem to wipe the grin off my face. Ice skating was almost a hobby of mine when I was a child considering how much I enjoyed it. Jarvis loved it. 

 

“Well doll, neither of us have ever done it so I suppose you'll get to laugh a lot at us then,” Bucky just smiles and nudges me forward again. 

 

We stroll up to the entrance and Steve buys the tickets and the skates for all three of us before I can even blink, probably a significant chunk of change if I'm not mistaken. 

 

“Thank you,” I smile shyly and Steve just beams at me.

 

I pull on my skates, laughing when Steve can barely walk in them. Bucky and I waddle up to the entrance to the rink with a giggling Steve in our arms. I get onto the ice first, a refreshing feeling to me that I haven't felt in so long, before I turn to help Steve and Bucky struggle through their first steps on the ice. 

 

It's absolutely hilarious. Bucky can stay standing but as soon as he tries to go forward he loses his balance and Steve can barely stay standing and it's so adorable. 

 

Bucky picks it up faster than Steve does, following my foot patterns closely, while Steve gives it an adorable and wholesome try, but he doesn't quite get it. Overall it's completely dark outside by the time we hang up and leave, more physically injured then before. 

 

I'm shivering by then too, freezing in the frigid December weather, but Steve and Bucky both wrap their arms around me, Steve around my shoulder and Bucky around my waist. It's so very warm between them that I can hardly find any will to argue. 

 

“Now what?” I ask, watching curiously as light snow begins to fall. 

 

“Now, we eat,” Steve states simply before steering me in a different direction. Walking is a little difficult at first but we manage to negotiate it with laughter in our voices. 

 

Steve continuously whines about his sore ass and Bucky laughs at Steve's grumbling. 

 

We walk in silence for a little bit, watching the snow fall slowly as the people rush home around us. I haven't laughed in so long as much as I have laughed today. They've worked hard to show me that they don't want me for my money and that I, as a person, matter so much more to them then honor and it's a lot to process. It leaves me with a fuzzy feeling in my chest. 

 

Bucky opens the door to a restaurant I didn't even notice and I walk in with Steve on my tail, Bucky taking the rear. 

 

I'm hit by the smell of olive oil, tomato sauce and garlic. I turn to them, my eyes wide in wonder, “Italian?” 

 

I get one nod and one smile before a waitress interrupts us. “Table for three?” 

 

“Yes ma'am,” Steve says. 

 

She leads us to a secluded table in the back and explains the specials while I take in the small establishment. It's a quaint Italian restaurant that is dimly lit by romantic candlelight and a good amount of privacy for everyone. It's so beautiful. 

 

I don't even remember what I order, just that Steve's thigh burns a stripe of warmth down mine, that there are two sets of eyes on me, that both of my hands are being gripped by them in a way that communicates they never want to let go. I lock onto the snow in Bucky's hair, Steve's chapped lips, Bucky's smile, Steve's thumb caressing the back of my hand, the sarcastic comments Bucky makes, and Steve's laughter. 

 

The first lull in conversation happens after we get our main meals and I find that I want to fill it. I look at Bucky and Steve, who has relocated his hand to my knee so I can eat, and they look so open and vulnerable that I want to experience the same. 

 

“My mom… was Italian so we would eat it a lot when I was younger. I was so close with her. This place is beautiful, thank you.” I whisper it shyly, almost expecting a reprimand that never comes. 

 

“Doll, thank you for sharing that with us. We love this place so much so we're glad you like it,” Bucky replies softly, understanding crosses his face and I'm so glad that it isn't pity. 

 

Steve's thumb caresses my inner thigh, Bucky's thumb caresses my hand, I eat another bite feeling so content that it's startling. 

 

I could really do this. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love comments, just please be respectful! 
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr @music-culture-mythology, I'm pretty chill.


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